The Banker’s Drinking Song

“Banking may well be a career from which no man really recovers.”
– John Kenneth Galbraith

Esteemed Gonzo readers. If you were hoping for deep, scintillating analysis this week, you will be disappointed. But bear with me here because this update is important. You see, after 16 years in banking, it recently occurred to me that our industry does not have an official drinking song. Why on earth not? After a successful merger, system conversion or some other hairy project, we need a hymn to belt out while sloshing the beer. So here’s the first draft for your review. Picture a crowded, smoke filled pub and a bunch of obnoxious bankers:

“Here’s to Banking”

Raise a glass fellow bankers
Turn up your green eyeshades
Let’s open the vault…
Count the money we’ve made
Remember the old days
The pillars and roped lines
The 9 – 3 hours
And daily tee times
But now they want earnings
A fat interest margin
And non-interest income
From the fees that we’re chargin’

Here’s to banking
It’s a livin’ they say
But you must be damn crazy
To do it these days
We’ll fight for our future
And God bless our souls
Cause this life of banking
Is taking its toll

Well here’s to FDICIA
HMDA, FIRREA
It’s enough regulation
To cause diarrhea
And here’s to improvin’
Our bank’s CAMEL rating
We’re hoping for a “1”
But those dreams are fading
‘Cause they just found a note
From our bright CFO
That tells all the staff
Where to hide the bad loans

Here’s to banking
It’s a livin’ they say
But you must be damn crazy
To do it these days
We’ll fight for our future
No matter the strife
Cause just like George Bailey
It’s a Wonderful Life

Did you hear about Charlie?
Sold out to Bank One
And now he’s a rich man
Whose life ain’t that fun
He’s got a new Porsche
And a young wife so pretty
But he’s missing those bald heads
In his loan committee
But don’t you go thinking
Ol’ Charlie is through
He’ll start a de novo
Like good bankers do

Here’s to banking
It’s a livin’ they say
But you must be damn crazy
To do it these days
We’ll fight for our future
With no fear of foes
Not dot.coms or brokers
Or insurance Joe’s

Well we’ve dumped ledger cards
For new age PCs
They may be expensive
But they’ve got color screens
There’s a new CIO
Who just started I hear
He’s the third one we’ve hired
Since converting last year
They say he’s the best…
The brightest in town
But I’m not so sure
Cause our network is down

Here’s to banking
It’s a livin’ they say
But you must be damn crazy
To do it these days
We’ll fight for our future
There’s good things in store
Even though Mr. Gates
Calls us all dinosaurs

Last call now dear bankers
I really must go
Let’s meet at the BAI
RDS show
We’ll have us a tall one
And walk ‘round the booths
Watch demos from vendors
Who won’t tell the truth
So pour me a double
Let’s toast one more time
From the CEO’s desk
To that ol’ teller line

Here’s to banking
It’s a livin’ they say
But you must be damn crazy
To do it these days
But no one here’s leavin’
Cause bankers don’t quit
We’ll keep moving money
For the pure hell of it!

-spw