‘Twas the day of the demo,
in the foyer aflutter,
the salesmen were schmoozing,
as smooth as peach butter.
The excitement was viscous –
to hear the new vendor.
Like waiting for Elvis
to sing “Love Me Tender.”
For this was the day
for the rep to compete.
His product’s not vapor –
it’s proven, replete.
Bank senior brass questioned
the rep with aggression.
Causing wells, uhs and errrs
and fierce indigestion.
“Just why should we pick you
out of choices aplenty?
Our checkbook is ready,
but our options are many.”
“Well, sir, I’ll tell you,
we’ll be your Partner, it’s true.
We’re not just a vendor
schlepping widgets to you.”
The show started slowly,
despite expectations,
with PowerPoint maps
of core installations.
The live demo began…
or so we expected.
But the rep lost his toast
when the line disconnected.
He recovered and winked
as he fired up his gear.
“If these guys say ‘Yes,’
quota’s met for the year.”
He started with Lending,
among his top facets.
“Here’s how we will handle
your high yielding assets…”
The chief lender, she loved it
for her deals so complex.
“The tiered pricing option
is better than s*x!…
“I dig the fine features,
it sure works for me.
But can it do docs
for Commercial RE?”
“Your loan staff’s production
will soar like a bird,
but for strip mall loan docs –
it’s Microsoft Word.”
The controller just smiled
as he made the rep tell,
“Can you give me a download
to my trusty Excel?”
“From our data mart, sir,
clean numbers abound.
Which will leave you more time
for a mid-Friday round.”
“Your mart’s still unproven,
and the ROI stinks.
But bring it on, Bubba,
I’m off to the links!”
New accounts reps they scowled,
and you know what that means.
“To open an IRA
takes twenty-nine screens!!”
The tellers left session
with eyes all aglittery.
They naively believed
tales of browser delivery.
But what turned tellers off
in the end, I can tell:
the software implored them
to always cross-sell.
“You expect us to process
transactions with speed.
And with every deposit
log a brokerage lead?”
“It slows down the line
and makes clients dour.
No cross selling from us
for $6.50 an hour!”
The green screens did render
the back office queasy.
“Can’t see how this system
will make MY life easy.”
“Unless you can rid us
of manual re-entry,
The most that you’ll get is
a yawn from the gentry.”
It was down to the wire.
A virtual tie.
Ops and retail: “No way!”
Loans and Finance said, “Buy!!”
Then out of the vault
there emerged a red specter!
A white-bearded dude
with a pocket protector.
He strode past the sentry,
trying hard not to wake her.
Why, it’s XML Claus,
the vendor’s tiebreaker!!
“I win all the deals
as I travel the nation!
Forget about features,
I bring integration!!”
“I got no stank reindeer,
and I’m really not kind.
The gift that I bring you
is called ‘Peace of Mind.’
“Some say I’m unproven –
a fleeting emergence.
But I’ll better your chances
of data convergence.
“Listen not to consultants
with their cocky behavior.
I am the True Answer,
your Interface Savior.”
And with that he was gone,
to the whole room’s dismay.
But as he departed
we could just hear him say….
“On Fiserv! On Kirchman!
On Bisys! On Aurum!
Without my slick linkage
your systems would bore ’em!
“We have to hit Memphis
for our next vendor fight.
If you think I’m a ghost,
well, just maybe you’re right…”
And then the rep ended,
he’d expended his talents.
Would XML’s visage
tip the uncertain balance?
——————————————————————————–
I’m ashamed as I should be –
“XML Claus”?
Hell, I just wrote a poem
beginning with “‘Twas?”
Keep it real in the field, GonzoBankers, a’ight?
-smh