Tale of the Tape: Core Conversions versus the Japanese Marathon Monks

‘Morning, GonzoBankers! The holiday season has the Valley of the Sun in its temperate grip – with the Scottsdale set brushing off their black leather jackets and the Phoenix crowd donning Kevlar Santa gear as we dodge bullets and carjackings. With holiday shopping and in-laws stressing you out as much as your year-end numbers, I thought I’d keep it light this week.

Last month, I called a client who had undergone a core conversion three weeks previous. Needless to say, he was a basket case. “Scott,” he moaned, “That was the toughest thing I’ve ever experienced. I feel like I’ve been beaten like a rented stepchild.”

Mixed metaphors aside, I have nothing but respect for our clients who knowingly put themselves through the pain and suffering of a core conversion. They’re some farsighted, tough folks.

Then I read about a group of people who surely can give these hardy bankers a run for their money. In the Tendai sect of Buddhism, there is a group of monks called “Kaihigyo” who undergo a mind-blowing, seven-year journey in pursuit of spiritual enlightenment. A couple bullets on what these marvels do*:

• The first year starts with a paltry 40 km per day for 100 straight days.
• They work up to years four and five, when they run the same distance for 220 straight days – a marathon a day for more than six months.
• By year six, the Kaihigyo are up to 60 km for 100 days straight.
• In year seven, the monks are moving along at a clip of 84 km per day for 100 straight days – two marathons a day for 100 days.
• And, by the way, the monks aren’t burdened by any Nikes weighing them down. No, they do all of this in homemade straw sandals.

Yowza. That’ll give the core conversion a run for its money. Who’s tougher – banks that endure core conversions or the Kaihigyo? Read on for details and GonzoBanker’s latest Tale of the Tape …

Category	Core Convertees	Kaihigyo	Who’s Tougher?
It’s a quest for….	•  Cooler technology •  Integrated products •  Better service •  A vendor who will listen •  Untold fees and income from new products and services	Spiritual enlightenment and trotting along the path of Buddha toward a personal reawakening	Core Convertees – reawakening is one thing, but tight integration??!!
Duration	6 – 9 months	7 years	Kaihigyo – Gotta give this one to the monks. The Kaihigyo take longer to complete their quest than an entire core contract’s duration.
Cost	$1 million – $5 million	3,211 pairs of straw sandals, 7 years of your life… with no drinking or smoking	Kaihigyo
Mild Setbacks	PIN offsets are missing	Screaming case of blisters, hip pain, hobbling shin splints, diarrhea, hemorrhoids	Core Convertees
Moment of Truth	The a.m. of day #2 when the trial balance gets its first read	The “doiri” – a period of 9 days with no water, food, sleep or rest	Kaihigyo – You don’t find your goal by the end of day 9, you ain’t gonna find it
Popular T-shirt Slogans	“Data Map Naked! I Survived Conversion 2003!” “Program Managers Do It On Time and On Budget”	“Slogging for Enlightenment – Kaihigyo 2003” “Kaihigyo Do It at Altitude Under Great Duress.” (Ed.: That one was lost in translation.)	Kaihigyo – None of these is one bit tough, but the one we lost in translation is very menacing in its native Japanese
If you fail…..	Mass customer migration after K-Mart announces to a full store that your bank’s debit cards do not work and that your customers must either pay with cash or leave the store immediately and empty-handed. (Semi-true story.)	Mandatory suicide by either disembowelment or hanging	Core Conversion – The Kaihigyo’s pain ends much too quickly

Core convertees, you lose to the Kaihigyo by the width of a blood blister, but we salute you nonetheless. Watch for an article by our newest contributor, Tripp Johnson, next week – followed by the much awaited and oft-imitated GonzoBanker Awards on Dec. 19 th . Don’t miss it!
-smh

* Thanks to James Davis of the London Observer for background info on the Kaihigyo.