“We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like ‘I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive…’ …My attorney had taken his shirt off and was pouring beer on his chest, to facilitate the tanning process.”
–Hunter S. Thompson (1937 – 2005)
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: A Savage Journey to the Heart of the American Dream
So read the opening sentences – some say among the best opening lines of any novel (Ever) – of one of the weirdest and most inspired and controversial novels of our time. You bought that ticket; you knew you were going for a lunatic ride.
Sadly, as announced (ironically) on Presidents Day, we have lost the world renowned Champion of Fun. Hunter Thompson, who shot and killed himself Sunday (2/20/05,) was the creator, instigator and wholesale distributor of gonzo journalism, a notorious, first person and rabid kick to the philosophical groin of Nixon, Humphrey, Muskie, Clinton, Bush, Republicans, Democrats, cops, thieves, soft truths, hard lies and The Man. His style was straight-ahead myopic rage and blood-curdling honesty with a side shot of the absurd and terrifying to keep us entertained.
And make no mistake about it, we at GonzoBanker copied and admired him greatly. While GonzoBanker’s format, delivery and concept were the brainchild of Steve Williams and Terence Roche, we shamelessly ripped off Hunter Thompson’s gonzo moniker, style, attitude and take-no-prisoners approach. Hell, we even spoofed him in our headlines – Peers and Loafing in Las Vegas.
“The invasion of Grenada was one of those low-risk, high-gain, cost-plus operations that every West Point graduate dreams of. Unleash the whole weight of the U.S. military arsenal on a small island in the Caribbean and call it a great victory. Bash the buggers silly; bomb the insane, walk heavy, talk wild, and kick ass in every direction. That’s how it went in Grenada.” –HST
Not that GonzoBanker comes close to his extremes or talent. At once, Thompson was pissed off and hilarious, obnoxious and charming, imperfect and dead-on, accuser and defender, sinner and saint. Mostly sinner. If you scale that back about 18 shades of gray, that’s what we’re going for with our humble GonzoBanker juggernaut. A quick comparison shows how we are talking the talk, but nowhere near walking the walk yet, GonzoFreaks:
|
| GonzoBanker | Hunter S. Thompson | The Nod |
| A collection of… | …observations, ruminations, predictions and random thoughts on financial services | Peacocks, firearms, sports wagering, violations of various United States Code sections, fast bikes | Push |
| Target | Taking ourselves too seriously, industry-wide belief in our own BS, untruthful vendors, articles about how visiting your bank branch should be like a visit to your local mom-and-pop restaurant | Nixon, Supreme Court, Fear, War, in no particular order | Hunter |
| Cardinal Sins Committed | 3 Cardinal Sins of Business Writing: Avoid first person, informality and subjectivity | 3 Cardinal Sins of Las Vegas: At all costs, avoid “burning the locals, abusing the tourists, and terrifying the help.” | Hunter |
| Road Trip Companion | Dell Latitude D600, overpriced Bose headphones and Tylenol PM | “two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half-full of cocaine and a whole galaxy of multicolored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers…. A quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls”—-from Fear and Loathing | My attorney advises me to give this one to GonzoBanker |
| Quoted by… | American Banker, various financial publications | Presidents, dictators, the NRA and the ACLU, Larry King, Warren Zevon | Hunter |
| A Crazy Friday Night | “Napoleon Dynamite” on DVD and a tasteful merlot, maybe the whole bottle over a weekend! | Can’t remember, but reports say that illegally modified automatic weaponry, Ebola, lighter fluid and mandatory 1500 mg doses of amoxicillin were involved | C’mon. |
| Banner | Jolly Terence | Freak Power Party | Close, but Hunter takes it |
“Walk tall, kick ass, learn to speak Arabic, love music and never forget that you come from a long line of truth seekers, lovers and warriors.”
–HST
We’ve been called a square man’s Hunter Thompson by more than one confused reader. That’s embarrassing, and it’s also giving us way too much credit. We’re too lame and hopelessly practical to deliver to the banking world what Hunter brought to politics and the sociology of the strange, but we’re gonna fight the good fight and keep calling ‘em as we seem ‘em. Maybe we can at least aspire to stay in the thick of things as deeply as HST was. For our part, we’ll keep naming names, pulling no punches, skewering the deserving, and trying like hell to stretch a boundary or two. It’s the least we can do.
GonzoBankers, your challenge is to work a little HST magic into your tag lines and mission statements this year. Imagine something like this inscribed on your boardroom podium, “The Mission at First National is to stomp the still-beating hearts of our competitors until their weeping mothers beg us for mercy.” You know, subtle HST references. You’ll attract a certain element if your newspaper copy reads, “Get Weird at First Bank and Trust!!” Maybe a billboard that reads, “Second National Bank: Personal Banking That’s Faster than the Methadone Clinic,” or “Free Shotgun with the Purchase of a $5,000 CD.” Oh wait, that one’s been done.
Too fast and too flawed for heaven and too burly for hell, I hope the Good Doctor now finds himself unstable on a beach somewhere, draining a tainted single malt and ripping sawed-off shotgun salvos at the specter of a giggling Nixon.
Fly your Freak Power Party banner at half-mast today, GonzoBankers, for yesterday we lost a jewel.
-smh
Tripp Johnson’s favorite HST quote:
“The Edge… there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.”
And two from Terence Roche:
“That is the Curse of Speed which has plagued me all my life. I am a slave to it. On my tombstone they will carve, “IT NEVER GOT FAST ENOUGH FOR ME.”
“The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side.”
Scott Hodgins’ favorite HST quote:
“Smart people understand that there is no such thing as paranoia. It is just another mask for ignorance. The Truth, when you finally chase it down, is almost always far worse than your darkest visions and fears.”
Melon-Headed Texan Friend of Hodgins’ favorite HST quote:
“Their army is how much bigger than mine? Three percent? Well shucks, Bubba. Now is the time to establish a network and an attitude.”
