Buenos tardes, los Gonzos. The Stress Test results are in, and it’s only going to take another $75 billion in capital for the regulators to feel comfy that the big banks have adequately planned for a rainy day. Shockingly(!), the $75B was pretty well below what the end-of-the-world crowd feared, but apparently enough to carry some credibility in the market as bank stocks rose after the announcement. 
And so the real purpose of the Stress Tests – pimping confidence in the U.S. financial system – becomes more obvious as the results are published.
We’ll believe anything, it seems.
In the Federal Reserve’s explanation of the Stress Tests – “The Supervisory Capital Assessment Program: Design and Implementation” – the Feds state that the Stress Test evaluations “drew on the expertise of more than 150 senior supervisors, on-site examiners, analysts, and economists from the agencies.” A couple questions come to mind. Are these the same senior bank thugs who were so clearly asleep at the helm as the big banks dragged our banking system into the fiduciary gutter? And if not, where the hell were these 150+ hotshots when we needed them? Doing Reg CC exams?
“Usually when people are sad, they don’t do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.“ –Malcolm X
Damn, it’s all making my left-side brainpan cramp with frustration. Better let the right brain do its thing with some comments on the state of the industry haiku-style, baby……
… … …
Stress Test
Do we believe what
We know in our guts, or “Geeks
bearing formulas?”
(“Geeks bearing formulas” from Warren Buffet.)
Too Big to Fail
Feds want big bank change,
But remove no Pres Or Board.
Who’s failing us now?
NCUA
Is NCUA
Supervisor/cheerleader?
Who’s deceiving who?
Fiserv Logo
“Progressive thinking”
Lowercase means straightforward
“Opportunities”
Fidelavante
Oh crap, more mergers?!
Credit union clients yawn.
Big iron fans drool.
Profits
All those who can – do,
And for those who just plain can’t,
They E-BIT-D-A
Geithner
Best to choose haiku
For verse ’bout Timmy. Ain’t squat
That rhymes with Geithner.
Ken Lewis
Hardcore bumbling. Not
’Til you’re axed as chairman do
You find it “humbling”?
Citibank
A brick weighs six pounds.
Hurled at twenty miles per hour,
It breaks Plexiglas.
… … …
I’ll close out this art show with a telling line or two from Phish, who seemed to have seen this all coming….way back in ’88:
“Fluff went to a banker
Askin’ for some bills
The banker said, ’I ain’t got that
But I sure got some powerful pills!’”
–Phish, “Fluffhead”
Go easy, GonzoBankers. –Hodgins